<back

Long Distance Grandparenting: Building a Bond When Grandkids Live Far Away

By Helen Marieskind, Associate Vice President/Campaign and Grandmother, Chicago Childrenís Museum

A new baby in the family! You flew out for the birth, maybe stayed a while to help out. Now you are homeómiles away. How do you create a bond with grandchildren when you can't just drop in to see them, take them for walks, or go on fun excursions whenever the mood strikes?

It can happen. Stories and experience tell us, distance not withstanding, that wonderfully rich relationships can be created between grandparents and grandkids, even when they live far apart. With your children's help, simple activities and readily accessible technology can lessen the distance and provide ongoing, memorable contact. These activities can enrich and extend family vacations and visits, and provide important relationship-building time. The following tips are gleaned both from books and from the experiences of many long-distance grandparents:

• Record a happy message in a toy that has a tape inside for this purpose. Make sure it has an easy-to-push button that even a small child can operate.
• Start a photo scrapbook depicting the times you and your grandchild share, and have it available whenever you are together. Create a duplicate scrapbook for your grandchild to keep.
• When you do have a block of time with your grandchildren, pick a good book, and read it to them often. This book will become associated as "Granny's book" and will conjure up thoughts of you whenever it's read.
• Send postcards, letters and greeting cards as often as you can, addressed directly to your grandchild. Adding small surprises such as stickersóeven those culled from your junk mailócan elicit special delight upon receipt.
•Find a suitable spot in your garden or home and mark it with your grandchildren's height, along with the date. Your grandchildren will relish seeing how much they've grown since their last visit.
•Get a local library card for your grandchildren so they can check out books when they visit.
•Share holiday traditions, like baking cookies, decorating a tree, coloring Easter eggs, and carving pumpkins. If you can't be there, send a supply kit for the activity.
•Write your grandchildren an ongoing story, and send along small "chapters" as they are finished. Children can progress from having the story read to them, to reading Grandpaís next chapter on their own.
•Get to know your grandchildren-and let them get to know you-over the phone. Young children learn to connect the voice on the other end with the real person they know and love. As they grow, personal phone calls to each grandchild will emphasize your special relationship.
•Take advantage of technology! On-line checkers and other games provide fun ways to connect at a distance-or even in the same town.
•Come alive through video. Hook a video camera to your computer so you can see each other when on-line together. Or make a video of your daily activities to give your grandchildren a sense of your everyday life.
•Create "how to" videos that feature you making a birdhouse, potting plants, or playing a musical instrument. This will spark your grandchild's interest and open up possibilities for joint projects when you do have precious time together.

As with all your grandchildren, much of your success as a grandparent hinges on your relationship with your own children. Here are a few tips to keep things running smoothly:
• Plan visits ahead of time and involve your kids in the scheduling-no unannounced drop-ins.
• Before you go, establish whether you are babysitting, visiting, or a combination of both.
•Spoil your grandchildren equally. This may be harder than it sounds, particularly if you have both nearby and long-distance grandchildren.
• Ask for your children's input when considering a bigger gift for your grandchild to ensure that your selection will be enjoyed and used regularly.
•On your grandchild's birthday, send a card to the parents, too. Thank them for giving you the joy of being a grandparent.

With a little effort and ingenuity, grandparenting can be rich and rewarding-and provide memories that last a lifetime. Whether long-distance or up close, you can nurture a special, loving bond with your grandchild that surpasses any geographic obstacle.

For more on long-distance grandparenting, check out these resources:

Bosak, Susan V., How to Build the Grandma Connection, The Communication Project, Ontario, 2000.

Epstein, Peggy, Great Ideas for GrandKids! 150 Ways to Entertain, Educate, and Enjoy Your Grandchildren Without Setting Foot in a Toy Store, Contemporary Books/ McGraw Hill Books, New York, 2003.

Fry, Patricia L., Creative Grandparenting Across the Miles: Ideas for Sharing Love, Faith, and Family Traditions, Liguori Publications, U.S.A., 1997.

Johnson, Sue, and Julie Carlson, Grandloving: Making Memories with Your Grandchildren,illustrated by Ronnie W. Shipman and Frederick B. Johnson, Heartstrings Press, Lancaster, Va., 2002.

Lansky, Vicki, 101 Ways to Spoil Your Grandchild, illustrated by Rondi Collette, Contemporary Publishing Group, Inc., Chicago, IL, 1996.

Teitsort, Janet Colsher, Long Distance Grandma: Staying Connected Across the Miles, Howard Publishing Co., Inc., West Monroe, La., 2005.

Wasserman, Selma, The Long Distance Grandmother: How to Stay Close to Distant Grandchildren, Hartley & Marks, Inc., Point Roberts, Wash., 1988.

top